The Homefront and beyond

Im weird?

2005-12-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

5 weird habits

1. Habit numero uno.. sometimes i try to look at myself from other people's literal point of view. like, actually attempting to visualize my situation from the outside, looking at me.

2. i think about how you spell words backwards. i was talking about this the other day with someone. i dont know why, i just take the word for no reason, and spell it backwards in my head.

3. oohh.. i almost forgot about this one. i have this insane obsession with spitting whenever i see moving water. weird..? exactly! toilets, streams, rivers.. im not real picky.

4. i have gotten in the habit of using 6 pillows when i sleep at night. 1 for my head, 2 under my knees, 1 on either side of me, and one over my chest for my arm. wow, im a nerd.

5. i have the habit of picking out smells in the air. ... meaning, if i smell something i have to work on figuring out what it is i am smelling. i have a sensitive nose. i dont think there is anything i can "do" about it..

ok, so they werent the most weird things, but i was working on little inspiration. so sue me.

hope everyone has had a great holiday season so far. thanksgiving was great, and christmas will be even better. its awesome having people home, and having others around. snow, can be fun i guess. i play snow football today. it was hardcore to say the least. im just thankful i came away with all my teeth. thank God. church tomorrow will be exciting for the two aforementioned reasons. im still not a fan of the snow, or cold for that matter. it ruins things sometimes. i.e. any plans i had for tonight. im dealing. have a good day/night/morning... Christmas. remember, please remember why we celebrate.

THANKSGIVING.. and survey

2005-11-21T08:14:00.000-08:00

What is your full name? Andrew Loren Crandall
2. What color pants are you wearing? my khaki courd. shorts and polo
3. What are you listening to right now? the air conditioner
4. What was the last thing you ate? captain crunch and hot apple juice. (i didnt eat the apple juice)
5. Do you wish on stars? it depends on who i am with.. sometimes. i love shooting stars
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
7. How is the weather right now? cold, cold, and cold, but sunny.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? jacqueline
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yes.
10. How old are you today? lets see.. 18 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 7 hours, 2 minutes.
11. Favorite drink? i like blended coffee, and lots of pop, but i know how bad caffeine is for me..
12. Do you like shoes? yeah, i dont have very many, but i love new shoes.
13. Hair color? blonde
14. Do you wear contacts? no
15. Siblings? kayla, joel, matthew, susanna, kelly, jacob
16. Favorite month? alot happens in june.. i like may too.
17. Favorite food? wow.. i love food. i love mexican, and american, i love meat.. im not real picky.
18. What was the last movie you saw? limony snicket's series of unfortunate events.
19. Favorite day of the year? March 9.
20. What do you do to vent anger? write.. talk about it.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? i dont know. i liked riding big wheels.
22. Summer or winter? summer...w/o a doubt. i hate cold, and winter is depressing.
23. Hugs or kisses? do i have to choose?
24. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate
25. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? heck yeah!
26. Who is more likely to fill this out? idk
27. Who is least likely to respond? idk
28. When was the last time you cried? i dont remember. maybe when my grandma died.
29. What is under your bed? college stuff, random soccer magazines, some other stuff.
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Jesus
31. What did you do last night? stayed home, tried to do some homework, listened to the chiefs game.
32. What are you afraid of? hippos, hurting people.
33. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? buttered
34. Last time you had a haircut? about 3 weeks ago
35. Favorite flower? roses...?
36. Favorite movie? the rock, gladiator, braveheart, italian job, the green mile
37. Favorite Band? U2, dave matthew's, coldplay, damien rice, straylight run
38. Favorite Song? i really like "scars" by papa roach
39. Favorite Animal? wow.. i like cheetahs, but i have never seen one in person.. i like dogs.
40. Favorite memory? i have a really hard time choosing favorites
41. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? my eyes, or my hair
42. How much cash do you have on you? none, i lost the dollar i had on the broncos/jets game.
43. What's a word that rhyme with "TEST" stressed
44. Favorite planet? Earth
45. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? dont have one
46. What is your main ring tone on your phone? see above
47. What shirt are you wearing? red and black soccer jersey from back in the day, with stars on the shoulders.
48. Do you "label" yourself? im unlabelable.
49. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? nike
50. Bright or dark room? bright
51. What do you think about the person who took this survey? staci is pretty awesome. she likes to try a little bit of everything, but doesnt like to get too involved. she is a cool girl who likes things like dirtbiking and snowboarding. get to know her.
53. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? no CELL PHONE!
54. What's a saying that you say a lot? awesome
55. Who told you they loved you last? my parents, prolly my dad.
56. Last furry thing you touched? i dont do fur.. lol.
57. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days? none
58. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? one
59. Favorite age you have been so far? i liked 17 a lot.
60. Your worst enemy? myself. lol, and.. yeah. prolly myself.
61. What is your current desktop picture? im on the school's computer.. its an island with really clear water, and a sailboat. its pretty.
62. What was the last thing you said to someone? is that on?
63. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret: million dollars. as of now, i have regrets, but nothing that hasnt in someway helped me get to where i am now.
64. Do you like someone? sure do!! and jacqueline is absolutely fantastic.
65. the last song you listened to? undone by lifehouse

Florida, wedding, and THANKSGIVING!!

2005-10-31T20:10:00.000-08:00

I try to space out my entries as much as possible, if you hadnt noticed that already. no, but really. senior year, how strange you are. i am leaving for florida on wednesday morning to go to my sister's wedding. pretty excited about that. wasnt sure whether or not i would be able to go, but by a sequence of events, or one in particular really, i am able to go. soccer just ended, being that event, on thursday, with a 0-0 (3-1 Loss in penalty kicks) to free state. it was a very difficult thing to take, being my last high school soccer game. but, that certain qaulifier makes everything a little bit easier to take. many on our team wont have the opportunity to play in college. i am very excited about the possibility, although, as it gets later and later the excitement fades a little bit. i have been assured that although recruiting isnt the furthest thing from the coaches mind, it is pretty far down the list. i understand that they are in the middle to later part of their seasons and that is their focus, but it is hard to wait in upbeat expectation for very long. maybe that is a spiritual problem as well... oh the things we realize when we start putting thoughts down as they come up. but, God is faithful, much more then I will ever be, that is for sure. Jacqueline and I are still going strong. bumps and small hills, but nothing that cannot be conquered through God, and the strength that He has shown us through our obedience. prayerful continuation. have a blessed day, and holiday season is upon us, which includes my favorite one: THANKSGIVING!! before long..

my school schedule has been one to drool over. starting 2 weeks ago, it goes something like this. 2 days one, one day off ( a wednesday no less!). 2 days on 2 days off. 3 days on 4 days off (2 days for parent teacher conferences). then, this week, like i said i am leaving for Florida Wednesday morning, so i have 2 days on and then a 5 day weekend. to top it off, we have next friday off as well. i dont know that this has ever happened, having this sporadic of school on and off. its very nice really. it should be cherished i realize, it probably wont happen again.

i have also realized that this is a year of "lasts" but amidst all of them, it is a year of firsts at the same time. my last home soccer game. my last high school soccer game. my last marching football game.. etc. i am starting to get the whole open door, closed door vibe where God's plans, as usual are much bigger then i could ever imagine. its hard. to see so many things that are familiar and easy, come to an end. the "firsts" come many times in the form of relationships, but also in other areas. keep your eyes pealed for ways that God may be bringing new things into your life.

so at conferences my parents got my grades, and they werent quite what i was hoping for. i dont know whether to even be upset at this point. 2 of the grades i received i didnt feel like were justified. its frustrating. its kind of like what craig deemed his "#1 worst feeling" in that i am apparently not living up to what my teachers expect out of me, because it is not my work that is lacking. that is a sickening feeling. i cant say that it is my #1 worst feeling but it is in the top 5. do grades even matter anymore. i should really write more often, but how many times have i said that and not done anything? Florida... here i come.. 80 degree weather is my friend forever!!

"the tide is high, and we're rolling on"

2005-10-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

no way has it been a month since i updated!! i guess it feels like it has been that long, but i dont think i have ever taken this long to get back to my faithful readers. oh man. i do apologize ahead of time for the inevitable rambling i can feel coming on already. i have had my monster this morning, after a very strange series of events. let me explain them to you..

so, this morning was a band morning, and it being marching season, we were over at hummer to work on our show. after our game last night i wasnt very excited about waking up very early so i turned off my alarm. i woke up pretty late, and so i didnt get breakfast, and didnt have time to make a lunch. we got going late and were unable to get gas for the car that has been low for a while now. so after we took our band pictures our band director decided to let us go early if we werent taking individual pictures. it was about 9 or a little after when i got going. so i took this opportunity to go get some gas. i realized very quickly (before i got to the gas station thankfully) that i didnt have cash on me, and that i needed to go to the bank. i had another check to cash, so this was going to work out. i get to the bank, and decide that i wanted to go inside, which isnt very usual for me. i got to the door and it had only been open 10 minutes. low traffic=good timing! i also noticed that today is customer appreciation day.. go figure, this could be nice. i get my money, and the teller directs me to the opposite side of the room where they are giving things away to their customers. low and behold i get a FREE can of pop, (caffeine free mind you) chips and a candy bar just for showing up!! this is going very well. but, i am still low on gas, and it is coming up on 9:20. class gets out at 9:30 and 3rd hour starts at 9:39. i rush over to the gas station, where i reluctantly paid 2.29 for gas, when i had seen a station at $2.10!! dont remember the last time i saw it that low. that gas station was like a mile away, and the time was valuable. i dont remember seeing gas pump so fast before. God is on my side this morning!! i go to pay for my gas and it happens to be a gas station that sells monsters!! perfect, this will curb my appetite at least until lunch, if it doesnt ruin my day first!! but oh how worth it it is!! soo good!! i pay for my things, and i head back to school. i have to park like a half mile away but with the way things are going i could care less. i get into the building where everyone is waiting for me../in the halls for our tornado drill. not even late getting back to class. so i have a full tank of gas, most of a lunch, money in my pocket, and a whole lot of a lot of things in my system that make me feel amazing right now.. who would have thought? AND to top it all off, this would have been a perfect start to a day after a loss, but as it is, we won 4-1 on maybe the best game of the season from a team standpoint, and on a night where i got 2 goals! it had been a while since i had scored, and i had family and friends there to support me for our last regular season game. im shaking really bad, but i dont care.

we have had some tough games recently, and are 2-2-1 in our last 5 games, giving up 11 goals. last night was good for our confidence as well as our record. JC on tuesday, and probably free state on thursday. looking forward to the rest of the season. a new physics teacher! that is a positive thing! things may be improving IN school as well. this weekend is going to be... exciting!! there is a lot going on, and i am looking forward to it. western night on saturday. i know! me dancing?! jacqueline will be there, so that will make things all better. it will be an opportunity to get outside of my comfort zone. normally it wouldnt be such abig jump, but there are always exceptions. it will be okay.. it will be okay.. it WILL be okay! it will be fun too! man, i am hyper, and this is really hard to do when my head is going like this. i apologize for the lack of posting, but maybe this one will begin to make up for that. i hope to get back on track. i pray that God is blessing you the way He has been blessing me, in my/your attitude, and circmstances as well as just in what is going on in your lives. i have applied to JBU and to OCU and am waiting to hear back, as well as from those coaches. i will probably hear about school acceptance before i hear anything about soccer, them being in the middle of their seasons and "recruiting not being the last thing on their minds, but pretty far down the list" as was said to me by the JBU admissions guy i talked to a few times. he's a cool guy. it makes asking questions and getting information alot easier when there is someone you can appreciate talking to. have a good week, and weekend.

Quiet in T-Town, but for how long?

2005-09-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

It will not always be this way, one can count on that. but, the stillness which for the most part is relaxing, is nice. I can see that in the near future many deadlines and engagements, both in town and out. A wedding of the oldest sibiling in a little over a month. soccer season is at its core, and the games will stay pretty difficult most of the rest of the way out. i guess i am okay with that. the application process and scholarship opportunities will become available as well as pertinent within a few weeks, and i am not prepared. i strive to be as stress free as i possibly can, but that is only so successful as the conditions under which the effort is made. i have a good shot though.

well, my grandpa died a week ago yesterday. the funeral was last friday. for a funeral, it went well. but again, it was a funeral. all of my cousins, minus my engaged sister were together for the first time since my grandma died probably, which would have been 3 years ago. so that was nice, and then the burial was in a small town called Burdick, which is about 20 miles west of Council Grove, while i dont even know where that is, but anyway. We ate dinner in Council Grove at the Hays House, which was very good. so the older brothers were around for a few days, and it was nice to see Joel, and he got to see me play against emporia, and saw me score which would not have been possible unless things had happened the way they did.
Thanksgiving is looking, sounding, even SMELLING really good right now. i cannot wait. i love food! speaking of which, it should definitely be time for lunch.. right NOW! i digress, (sp?) there is ... almost 2 hours until lunch. ok, that is definitely pushing it. i will make the attempt, we will see how it goes.

After our game last night i was in more pain then i have been in a long time. i have 3 injured places, and all of which will effect play for a while. i had ice on my foot, and when it became too much, then i switched to the large contusion on the side of my calf. And, the sore joint at the base of my big toe on my left foot hurts alot too. im sure i wont practice today, and we will have to wait and see about the game tomorrow. we play lawrence so it shouldnt be a big deal. its still a pain (insert really bad pun here). oh, well. there is still a good chunk of the year left, so hopefully recovery will be quick and i can get back to playing. Craig, i have sent the JBU coach an email, and i am starting to get application stuff, but i didnt know if you knew ne thing about how they do athletic scholarships, or how easy it is to get financial aid. you probably didnt have to worry about it too much, seeing as you're a genius, but if you have any information that would be helpful i would love to hear it. i have sent emails to soccer coaches at UMKC, the only D-1 school i have contacted, MCC, Oklahoma Christian, and Bethel University. Bethel is very unlikely. i hate the cold. i think that is the only weather option they have there. ne way. that is where i am right now.

It sounds like things are going well with the collegians, thomas is a delinquent, but i guess when you live in Cali you can do that!? it could be a good thing. he might be home before christmas! and then thereafter if he isnt careful! lol, that would be the day. i would feel bad for him, AFTER i laugh at him alot. Doug, hopefully your trekking over thanksgiving bring you to see the 'rents, and the rest of us who are here. ben it's been good to see you recently, and nathan, havent see you in a while, but glad to hear you are staying busy.

so school pretty much sucks

2005-09-16T02:03:00.000-07:00

..But what's new? im sure i could get a pretty solid consensus from my fellow high-schoolers, but i dont know how my collegian friends are doing. i should really try to update this a little bit more often huh? i will attempt to explain why i havent updated. i will try to keep it at least a little brief. i could go into gory detail about each of our games so far this year, but i will contain myself and give you the gist.

IF YOU DONT LIKE OR CARE ABOUT SOCCER OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT DONT READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPH!!

For starters, we are 4-1, with Centennial wins against Hayden and Topeka West. and Blue Valley tournament wins against O'Hara from MO, and Shawnee Mission East from KCK. the two tournament wins put us in the championship against Blue Valley North, who had knocked us out of State last year in the Quarterfinals. ok, back to the beginning. our first game was against Hayden, who.. sucked. there really isnt a better way to say it. they just didnt put up a fight at all, and it was a really positive way to start the season. we won 6-0 and i picked up an assist. we didnt know ne thing about O'Hara, and came in expecting a good game. no such luck. i dont know who would have won, but hayden would have given them a good run. it was another 6-0 game, and i accomplished something i have never done in my high school career. i scored 4 of those goals. i dont know how many of them i really deserved. at least 2, probably 3 though, but definitely not the last one. so then we played Shawnee Mission East, who is a good team. it was our first real test and we responded well. we had many chances, and dominated the shot line, but we didnt get a goal until 5:33 left in the game. it came on a corner and i headed it in. in the championship, blue valley north, who is #2 in the state, and #4 in the region were picked to beat us, but we were the ones who came out a lot stronger. i scored in the first 5 minutes, on my only "shot" of the game. it was a header that, if their goalie had been really paying attention he would have come out harder or not at all. we had our first goal against later in the half, and took the tie into halftime. midway into the second half i picked up a throw in and restarted before their defense got set, and threw it over their defense to blake who ran on and finished it. our defender misplayed a ball with 13:30 left, and it bounced toward our stopper who was on the touchline by our goal. he wanst paying attention and he turned toward the ball and it bounced up and hit his arm, inadverdently. there were no persons around but the ref still called a PK. they made it to tie up the game at 2. in the last 30 seconds their center mid came down the middle and played it to the forward at the top of the box. he took a touch past the defender who clipped him on the way by, and the forward fell down in the box. the ref, who was at mid field ran down and made another PK call with 18 seconds left. if the game had ended tied in regulation we would have gone straight to PK's anyway, but the ref decided he wanted to be the one in control instead of the players, and they made the shot to win. it was sad, but both teams knew who should have won. tuesday we played west, who hasnt been this good in a long time, if ever. they came out a lot more prepared then we were and caught us off guard. there was no score at halftime. we finally broke through with 1:55 left in the second half. i got the last touch on a shot by blake, and that should have been enough. our defense gave them too much time and space, thus giving them an open look from about 25 yards. it took a fortunate bounce, and regualtion ended in a deadlock. we went through one overtime with no goals, and then it went to a second 10 minute session. with 7:03 left, i got a through ball which the keeper came out on, he hit me right after i shot it from about 30 yards, and i thought i had hit it over, but i didnt. it went in, and the game was over. i was exhausted. it was a very emotional game and one we definitely needed to win. and, after a slow, sloppy game last night, during which we got 7 corners in the first 10 minutes, and only produced one goal. our whole team slacked off, and we played crappy and fortunately got a goal with 1:46 left in regualation when i took a shot off the inside of the right post which john stamm followed in. Asisst me! lol, so, production wise it has been a good year. i hope it continues, but i have given God my soccer career. it is a nice feeling.

sorry that portion of my post was so disporportional, but that is alot of what has been going on in my life. i realize how pathetic that may be, but im ok with that. last week at our football game there was some "tailgating" going on, which i was excited about, not thinking twice about what all that may encompass, so when i get there, i shouldnt have been surprised but i was shocked that there was alcohol being passed around (in a figurative more then a literal sense). our all school president and vice president were involved. the vice-president more then the president, in such a way that she was falling all over the place and was literally out of control. it was ridiculous as well as being maddening for me. alot of people went into the game intoxicated, but those two were somehow singled out, and got into pretty big trouble. each received 2 week suspensions, and were removed from office. what does that mean... ? i dont know. there has not been an official announcement to the students, and they are obviously still suspended, which may be the reason for the delay in official recognition. i have been asked numous times whether susanna and i will run again if in fact there is a reelection, to which i answer i dont know. its tough. something i am definitely going ot have to think and pray about. i would appreciate the support.
well, there is another game tonight, and jacqueline has XC tomorrow morning, (Good luck babe) which i hope to make it to, and i will prolly mow tomorrow. the weather couldnt be more perfect right now. honestly it couldnt. i envy nobody at this point. well, i will let you guys get back to your lives. if in fact you took the time to make it this far anyway. have an awesome week, and i cant wait to see everyone.

Soccer! School.. living on!

2005-09-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

I know i have been doing a really poor job of keeping my blog updated, and the excuses are endless. all i can say is that i will try harder. well, the first soccer game has come and gone. it was a great way to start the season. we beat a hayden team who had, less then a week before, tied a SH team that many thought would win or be a power city team this year. and, it was a hayden team who had their best player go out for football! who is surprised. ne way, we won 6-0, and i had an assist. it was one of those games where you would love to pad the stats, but they were pretty balanced for the most part. we have never played that well together, and to do it in the game was awesome. next game-- tuesday, 3:30, Blue Valley North Complex, KCK. (in case anyone cared) we will get some good competition too. there are at least 2 state teams from last year, including the one that beat us 3-2 in DO. it would be really nice to beat them for the championship. WaRu is in the tournament too. two teams i would love more then anything to beat. (love in the soccer sense)

any week where we dont have to go for 5 days is a good week for me. Kayla (my sister) and her fiancee and their friends from florida got in late friday night and just left this morning. they were a lot of fun to be around. we went to the washburn football game on saturday. then saturday night we had dinner here with all of them and also my brother matt and his wife and jacqueline made an appearance also. we had a good time. sunday we went to church, then went to softball, which was fun until i like broke my thumb. i am going to feel really dumb if it messes up soccer for me. it wouldnt have been worth it at all. last night we had our last night with our guests and we just hung out and talked and some of us watched The Longest Yard. it was ok. it wasnt that good. not one that i would necessarily recommend.

SCHOOL!!! That is, in the exhaustive sense. it has gotten old really fast, but i guess that is how senior year is supposed to be. life is sad. whether we recognize it as being such, we are let down and disappointed every day. it is sad. but really, it only becomes unbearable when we let our attitude be controlled by our circumstances. thus, depression has a nesting place. psychology lesson #1. sorry, that's just how i work. no, but seriously, letting life get to you is one of the easiest ways to have a crappy life. sorry to break it to you, but its true. ne way, there is so much that happens that we just have to let go, and let God.

This was a poem i wrote spur of the moment. i just realized the power of words when used in honesty and sincerity.

Thank You

What more can be said
To someone who is admiring you,
Be that for ability, service,
or showed affection?

Is there anything more powerful
then the two words, that
spoken with the utmost sincerity
can make the day of whom you are speaking?

Simpole, but carrying so much meaning.
Complex, in the thoughts and emotions.
Confirming, of value and pleasure towards.
Perfect, in every way, for any occasion.

School? what is this mess?

2005-08-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

The most significant difference about this year opposed to last year, is the mindset. i guess waiting until senior year to care about academics probably was not the way to go, but thus shall be the task ahead of me. maybe the thought of soccer not carrying me through college as far as money goes, which may or may not have happened anyway, might have been the first indicator that i would have to find money from some other source. a talk with the rentals last night didnt help the feelings of discouragement that i have started to feel, but my outlook continues to be strong whatever the case. i havent decided to let myself be brought down by my thoughts and expectations, and i hope that continues to suffice.

it has definitely been an interesting school year so far. i didnt like the first few days for the sole reason that i was uninterested in reassociating with individuals i was worried about taking me out of my comfort zone of fulfillment through my close christian friends and church acquaintances. public schools offer a new look at the way christians handle themselves in the "real world" as they attempt to spread the gospel to those who dont know God. it is discouraging, in a way, but awesome also to see the way God works through individuals and the lights He turns on in some of the darkest of circumstances.

i will refrain from going more into the differences in public school circles from private school circles, due to the frustration that mounts when i step back to see how little I am doing to help out the situations i am complaining about. i dont know how many times i have started this post and havent gotten around to finishing it, or things have changed and my ideas no longer apply. soccer is going well, save for the incident at practice where a couple of the guys had the nerve to "posess with the intent to sell" in front of me. i was so disturbed and frustrated by the whole thing. i have had thoughts about making it an issue with the whole team, but pride, i guess and opportunity get in the way. although, the second one probably falls under the first one in some ways too. our first game is THURSDAY!!! i am very excited. we have Hayden, at hayden @4. it shouldnt be too much of a game. hopefully we will be prepared, and are willing to work hard this week, maybe some non-rainy weather too... school will start going so much faster, even though alot of times i dont want it to...

Option A presented a good opportunity to let my pride down and really reach out to people. I had a great conversation with Jacqueline about it, and felt 1) terrible about myself, then 2) encouraged that i would still have chances and opportunities, even if I didnt take advantage of this one, to love people where they are at. friday night went very well. there were probably about 2100-2200 people at TPAC for the Superchick concert, which apart from being extremely loud was phenomenal. Along with Superchick Dirk Been was the keynote speaker for the entire event and he talked about abstinence, and he really had some good things to say. the audience was a very mixed bag. there were a lot of Christians there, and many non-christians. i guess when things are free that draws a lot of attention. but, people were pretty good about getting the word out as well. saturday morning the event reconvened (sp?) at TBC with a smaller crowd, but aspiring to learn none-the-less. i won 2 movie tickets in a raffle, which was/IS awesome, but breakout sessions were the highlight of the morning. we had some good speakers in the guys group, and some good questions were posed and addressed. Dirk did a really good job again, and i learned quite a bit. some things may pop up at some point in the future.

I got to talk to Thomas last night!! the first time since he left! ok, so its exciting for me! no, but i hope all the collegians are doing well in their new surroundings, and for some, not so new surroundings (elena) but are doing well, and meeting people none-the-less. (i dont know that i have ever used that phrase more then once in a conversation before..) oh well. i would ask for prayer that my attitude toward people at school would improve and that my goal would be to be the Christ in their lives. as pastor described today we should "live as though it were Christ living for us". that was a little bit modified, i am sure, but the quote was good, and the concept even better.

there is a baptism tonight, which should be a good time. im praying all is well in all. have a great week. i will attempt to do the same.

Mexico, 18, and the afterlife..

2005-08-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

so, as far as i am concerned, being unneccessarily delayed in getting a post up since our return from mexico, everything has been said that needs to be said. i thoroughly enjoyed my first out of country experience. i was stretched in ways i didnt know were issues. God challenged my willingness to adjust to my surroundings and authorities. it seems everyone thinks i failed at one of those, but i will leave it up to God to decide. Mexico, if you have not been there, will give you back, what you put into it, 2 fold. it will help you appreciate what you have, and give you a better understanding of what it is like to be completely dependent on God in an every-day perspective. And, you get to meet some awesome people, and maybe get to know some awesome kids.

i was unsure, going into the trip, what it was i was going to get out of it. as some know, i am not a person who usually gets caught up in expectations, and the like. but, satan decided that would be his way of bringing me down early on in the trip. i had these fantastical ideas of what would go on, and how things would/should be, and after day 2 of being in mexico, i was feeling very unfulfilled. i even made it verbally known that i wished things would be harder. what a selfish attitude i know, but that was seriously the point i was at. that same night, mark decided to make me feel like an idiot, (no, not that time, but good guess!) and speak on the very topic of expectations. i was very convicted, and made a conscious effort to change my attitude from that point on. good thing too, because that night, we were rained on for a good 12 hours. it was brutal, especially when you are forced to sleep in a slightly covered outdoor sanctuary... with sloping floors... and little wind coverage. that was interesting. i would be pretty confident that 90% of the guys were forced to move from their initial sleeping positions at some point in the night. we didnt have to work the next day, which was nice because of the lack of sleep that many had gotten. the work was not excessively difficult, and we were fortunate to have leaders who were willing to work hard, and encourage us to do the same.

being able to play soccer with the locals was my way of getting close to them. i, even after 2 years of spanish, was unable to carry a conversation with any of the non-english speakers. soccer was my way to communicate in a very real way. without soccer, i dont know where my attitude would have been as far as really feeling like i could make a difference. the competition was fierce as well. i never would have expected the older less in shape guys to be so sure of foot and skill. and the young talent was abounding. maybe its my ill-percption, but being 17 and on a u-20 prep team in a country where soccer is a huge deal is very impressive. Chuy, Armando, Julio, Freddy, .. the list goes on.. as my memory fades! i was very appreciative for their patience. USA and MX both left the "battlefield" wit 2-2-1 records, which would normally be unsatisfying were it not for the circumstances.

Anyone going to see the Rangers play at home in Arlington is encouraged to go to the Rawlings restaraunt in the first base line press box. order small too. then get a peanut butter thing!!!!!! i didnt think i had room for it.. but i made room!! the stadium is beautiful too. the game was great as well. Carl Crawford could have easily had 3 straight triples which i am sure would have been a record. i cant wait to get my pictures back. i guess that requires taking them in...?

student ministry sunday was the 7, which happened to be my birthday as well. the "Big One" or so i am told. i turned 18. yay!.. this fact will doubtfully change anything. it was a very good day though. i was made to feel very special, which can never be a bad thing. i thank everyone who was a part of it, whether you knew it or not. i pray for many more to come.

this week 7-14 (and some change) has been pretty phenomenol. i couldnt have asked for anything more. birthday, softball victory, Body Builders/ LOTR, Chiefs game/ beginning of football season/Cinderella Man (highly encourage that one, and only $1.50), a wedding of an old friend and some really great food, one of the best days of my life. what more could you ask for? i mean seriously. the surprise was pretty sweet too, both of them i guess! T and i did pretty well.

Tryouts for soccer start today. although i am not worried about a spot, my performance still matters a lot. i would love to play exclusively up top (forward) but i have not given coach a whole lot of confidence through my finishing touch in the last few months. we will see how it goes. soccer starting means that school starts... soon! so depressing. i dont want this summer to end. this has been completely amazing. there will never be another one like it, which will have its advantages and disadvantages. i guess im scared. but with everything that is happening and wit everyone i have around, be that only by phone, i am sure it will be okay.

my thanks to everyone that has been a part of my summer, and to everyone who is leaving and already left, i will miss you guys and hope to see all very soon. may God continue to bless and keep you. Good "night".

He slides.. and is safe! Then he heads around again!

2005-07-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

summer blast was flipping amazing! i dont think i could have asked for much more. a few more people maybe, but even there everything worked out well. i was in a small room for the first time. i think i like the bigger rooms, cuz there were only 4 of us total in my room. that was fine, dont get me wrong, todd, hobie, mikey and i held down the fort nicely. the 3 of us were red warriors, and mikey was a green giant. a very non-confrontational group if i do say so. there were no super-late nights of mexican train or poker this year. actually there wasnt alot of time where i was in my room that i wasnt sleeping. that is mostly attributable to one of two things 1) activities of the day just totally wore me out, 2) i just didnt go to my room until i was really ready to go to bed. early to bed, early to rise though. i spent every morning outside upon eating breakfast (and sometimes before that even) and just walked around the lake, noting the serenity of the morning, and natural environment. i love taking walks in the morning. i took one this morning as a matter of fact. i love just sitting by the lake and watching the wildlife and boats and whatever else God decides to show me at a given time.

This year's games were alot of fun. i personally helped with the creation of human foosball. i really enjoyed that one, and the pull your neighbor into the trashcan game was sweet too. reason being; i won that one! red definitely dominated the day games, and lost it during the night games. this was a complete reversal from last year's innagural victory over the (mostly) hated white knights. this was the last year of sumer blast of its kind. very sadly, next year, unless we have some college-fresh interns, which will still be different,... i dont know. its really sad. i dont want to be the oldest ones at camp. its responsibilities, its.. its sad. but things happen like that.

i got my schedule for this next year. staci i will be excited to see how yours compares. i need to get mine fixed though. they didnt give me physics, which i guess isnt a huge deal, but i figure it can only help my transcript. oh transcripts, and entrance letters, and scholarships, and oh my goodness... i really dont want to deal with this at all! it's scary. i cant wait for soccer season this year. i am hoping we decide we want to play as a team. we will see how that works. i really want to play forward, but that wont be very likely. i am not what you would call a good finisher. i needed to get out and kick around a lot more this summer, and i just didnt get it done. oh well, i did play quite a bit at the beginning of the summer. im hoping mexico, if nothing else physically, will get me hydrated..? if wendy does her job. hmm...

i guess it is still surreal that we leave for MEXICO in 11 hours. i havent gotten that through my thick skull yet. it will be a major shock i can already tell. im all packed, and it isnt even 10 yet! i guess that may be all the accomplishing i get done tonight, unless i get lucky. i really look forward to the bonding that will occur over the next week and a half. the heat, albeit dry heat, which i will be able to handle alot easier then this gross humidity we are having here. we will see how much difference 20 degrees makes without the humidity. i just want to live in the carribean. that would be my dream. i guess a vaca (staci) there would suffice though. oh well. i need to get going. im either going to bed, or being pathetic, either way, im excited! have an awesome week everyone who is staying here, and those of us going to mexico, get some sleep and dont forget ne thing. good night.

SUMMER BLAST AWESOMENESS

2005-07-11T07:30:00.000-07:00

yeah, its that time of year again. summer blast off departure time in t-minus 47 hours!! but who's counting. a few summer blast traditions, feel free to add some if there are a few i left out.
atomic situps-- what? that's only a guy's room thing?
people mover-- truly the only way to travel while on the trip.
mafia-- although not isolated to summer blast, it is still a tradition.
mexican train-- many a late night consisting of dominoes and 'tag' between the leaders.
pop ice-- i have never seen so much pop ice consumed in 5 days then i see during this week.
cry night-- need i say more. but, we didnt have one last year so maybe we have a new tradition..
heavy amounts of initiation for the newbies, for guys at least.
showe...-- ne way..
table rock lake-- i love being on the water.
go-karting-- in the rain last year, that was amazing. i dont remember a single more fun day at summer blast.
large water slide, plus flour and fire balls-- what else is there to say about that?

ok, thats all i could get. i know i will think of more later. RED WARRIORS!! so that didnt take as long as i thought it would.

ok, so i just finished giving a tour of topeka high, then we took a 45 minute lunch. that was fun, and tiring. maybe i will take a nap here pretty soon. lol, i love my job. i guess i better, im expected to be back for a second go next summer. so now the count is down to 44 hours.

my summer is like over now. the fun isnt over, thats for sure, but time is running out.

and then there was 43 hours remaining. after a hard hour of basketball and a reunion with past textbook kings, i may actually finish this post.

Empty, but not blind
his eyes were gray with signs of easier times.
empty, yet full of heartache and turmoil.
beset upon a face of sorrow, but not sadness.
things past and present float around in a dull haze.
its not clear what is understood and what is incomprehensible.
but, what is clear is that his time is nearing a close.
sorrow not in a sense of regret, but in not being able to be there for his family.
not seeing all his grandchildren grow up to be everything he tried so hard to be.
not being able to sit and bear witness to the marriages, and life renewal of the genereations.

they, being his eyes, no longer shone with amazement at the creations of his heavenly Father.
they were hollow, and were unable to return the ignorant stares that leaves a person in disbelief.
they showed no fear, yet maturity that comes with years.
his skin drooped, pale across the strong cheek bones that were so prominent at another time.
photographs of his life partner, a woman of Godly character, and love exceeding expectations.
his family remains strong, and visit when they can, but it isnt the same.
there is nothing they can do to save him from enevitability.
behind the cold eyes, the color of the sky before a storm, are memories, and pictures of times his grandchildren can't imagine.
world wars, and depression, and simpler times.
times that generation X would no longer be able to appreciate.
his presence is no longer domineering or intimidating, but who he is has not changed.
and that is what matters.
although he cannot see, he knows.

that was a spur of the moment thing. it followed a recent dream i had. kinda sad. oh well. just hang on for a little longer. summer blast will be here soon.

so much to say..

2005-07-05T06:48:00.000-07:00

..to borrow a line from Dave Matthew's. but really, these last 2 weeks, yeah, i feel bad for not posting sooner life gets crazy like that, have been very fun, a little bit stressful, and alot of God doing what God does best.

Countdown to Summer Blast... 7 days 23 hours 9 minutes.. (if we leave at the time i am thinking we leave) i havent been more excited about summer blast before. i cant even describe the number of things that i look forward to on this trip. and, for the solid price of $10 it makes it that much more worth it. $10, im okay with that. i guess that's what happens when you are good at tubing, right thomas? lol. i cant believe that was 7th grade too...

God really had His hand over this last week, as usual. i dont know why people worry about things. honestly, when you have faith that what's going to happen is going to happen, and that God's will will be done, no matter what, who's going to question that? God's in control, and im okay with that.

i love fireworks. i have never spent $50 on them though.. until this year. i know, that is a freaking lot, but the exhiliration of lighting them off and watching them do their job has some awesome rewards, especially when the people you are with appreciate them as well. i spent the evening with jacqueline and the gonzales family and the night with the whole blaylock family. i love energetic families that are all about having a good time. and dry ice bombs just make things that much cooler. interrogations, though unneccessary and unnerving for some (!!!) are not all bad. it could have been worse. im okay with that. i had an awesome time.

so, its july.. 5th, and i still havent gotten to swim yet. how ridiculous. this week will undoubtedly provide some opportunity to do so though, so i am excited. maybe even tonight? that would be nice. i can look forward to only one more week of work between now and Blast. that makes me happy. work is slow. we have a lot to do though. its worth what im getting payed though, and im okay with that.

Dana, i hope you are enjoying your time in Guatemala. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Countdown to mission's trip: 2 weeks 5 days. its not close enough for me to know what time we leave. can you say life changing? that's what im hoping for.

well, all these fun things coming up are distracting me from my work. i need to get back to at least attempting to focus though. have an awesome week everyone.

moving on.. moving up

2005-06-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

so much time and consideration, only to be wrong?
given the chance, and dropping the ball.
making empty promises, one's never to be kept; to self; to God.
never in the sense that at no point, in making those promises did one ever feel like what they were saying was true and good.
a clear decision, that through guilt and total dissatisfaction with self, self was no longer good enough.
self was never good enough.
deeds were never good enough.
I was never good enough.
I will NEVER be good enough.
I CANNOT do this on my own.
Mistakes are a way of life, not a chosen path, or an easy way out, but they do happen.
no matter what, as long as you are trying to please God, you will never leave the path He has set before you in life. never.
the risk is not taking the chance, it is the chance not taken.
you are liable not for the mistakes you make but the times you make the mistake and dont fix it.
Discernment is not from people. it is God's way of keeping our emotions and hearts in check in order for His spirit to be able to fulfill our souls with all that God has in store for us.
"People often want direct and clear guidance in areas of their lives that cause them stress or concern. We fear to choose mates, jobs etc. We worry that we might cause ourselves or our loved ones grief. But even mistakes are part of God's program for our growth and development, never fear! Obey the Word and know that you can not step outside of God's will. For after all, in Him we move and live and have our being" (Steve Shermett)

finally, a list worth noting! if nothing more.. that was more a story of where i have been in my life. some more recently then others. some revisited. but the step by step of recognition of not being good enough for heaven, and accepting that fact, in my life.

moving heavily away from the controversial post.. or the not so controversial post, however you look at it. after my last post i had my second soccer game of the day, in which we lost 3-0. it was a closer game then the score would indicate, and taking into consideration the fact that the team we lost to had won their semi-final 6-0 and has won the last 2 state championships, and 6 of the last 7, it was not such a big deal to have lost. 2nd in state is not bad anyway. i had fun playing with the kids from wichita. they were very accepting, thankfully. maybe i will play for them again, i dont know. the wedding started on thursday.. yea, thursday, when joel and his girlfriend lorie got to Topeka. she is very nice, a real keeper.. matt and laura lee got here on thursday night. friday afternoon kayla arrived. friday night was wedding rehersal. that went well. we had dinner with the whole wedding party, which was a lot of fun. got to meet some of matt's inlaws. "yeah" for holidays getting hectic!! the wedding was saturday morning. the boys had our pictures at 10. this meant getting up at 8. no big deal. we got done and left to get some coffee so the girls could get there and not be seen. that would have worked, had the girls been on time. so they had to do their pictures after the wedding. how typical. the wedding itself went well. all in all it was a fairly unstressful day. thank God. i also didnt play a huge part, so that may not be the case for any weddings i am a part of in the future. we had lunch with the wedding guests at 12:15. the reception was at 2, and we left by 5:45 or 6. thank you's to everyone who helped out at all, or participated. it made things so much easier on me at least. matt and laura lee left for their honeymoon saturday after the wedding, and kayla left sunday morning, and joel and lorie left sunday afternoon. HECTIC HECTIC HECTIC.. not hectic. it ended twice as fast as it started. it was a lot of fun having everyone around. in case you guys didnt know, i just had a brother get married, and i have sister who got engaged a couple weeks ago. i am extremely happy for the both of them. many things to come i guess. i will try to get a link to some pictures from the wedding and rehersal stuff soon. i am not exactly competent with digital cameras and such.

i played soccer like 12 times in the last 2 weeks. i decided i need a break. maybe a week or two will allow me some healing time. well, work beckons. summer blast approaches!! i should go register.. hmm.. i hope power trip was awesome. softball was fun last night. we won 16-8, but were forced to forfeit. go figure. we cant catch a break. we played really well too. oh well. it was fun none-the-less. have a great week.

Geezz...

2005-06-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

So, i think i milked about everything out of that last post that i possibly could. for those of you who werent aware, the situation between ben and i was made up. we planned to have it going for a while, but due to some comments and such, we decided we should stop. i was interested in giving the blogger world a little bit of life, and recognized the reaction and feedback that Doug received with 'blindside'. there were no malice thoughts or ill feelings of ne kind toward either ben or jacob. if that wasnt gathered by ben's initial comment, or the seemingly sarcastic tone that was used, further comments should have told you something wasnt right. so, i guess that this first paragraph was directed for the most part at anonymous person(s) that commented. its really sad, but there really isnt ne thing i can do about it except write this post.

ANYWAY... soccer last friday, got cancelled on saturday and sunday, and then played again monday, tuesday, and wednesday. Fri. we tied 3-3 after leading 2-0 and 3-2. monday we won 4-3 after leading 3-0, and 3-1 at half. tuesday we won 2-0. wednesday (this morning) we won 2-0, and we play in the State Championship at 4. it will be intense. we play the team that has won state like 6 out of the last 7 years. it will be a good game. i have really liked playing with these boys from wichita. it has been a good experience. and a coach from hesston asked about me... show me the money!! lol, but i have a whole 'nother year to go before i HAVE to choose.

A.G. was soo much fun. refer to staci's blog for details about activities. it was well done this year, and i think i like the format of everything being all at once. there were many a late night, and good times by all, hopefully. what really sucked was having to go get shots for mission's trip on thursday afternoon, after getting to bed at 5 and getting up and leaving the house by 9. getting home and going to do some yardwork because i decided i didnt want to/couldnt work on thursday. i got done with shots and went to church for some AG then i tried to ride my bike around for meals on wheels, which wasnt going to happen. my arm hurt so much. typhoid shots hurt like a mother. then we watched Wait Until Dark, which kind of happened... then i went home to sleep because i hadnt hardly slept in the last 2 days. every day i went to work at school from 8-11 or 12 then went to church, and not getting much sleep those days was killing me. friday, i worked from 8:30-11. go figure i slept in.. then i didnt go to AG because i had a 6 o'clock game. after my game, i went home, and ate. saturday i had the ACT.. that was gross, but it went alot better this time, so i am interested to see my score. if i dont do better, i swear.. saturday night, hannah K. and Jacqueline my sister and i watched the Ring. susanna and jaq and thomas and i had watched the 6th sense on tuesday. this was my first experience with both of these movies. i know, i know. but i have seen them NOW. sunday i went to church and then i was supposed to have a game, but didnt, then was going to, and didnt. it was pretty frustrating. then i went over to Mark and Katies with Jaq for some nerts and food, and Dr. Mario on Nintendo. classic. it was a good night. well, i have another game in 2.5 hours, and Bible study tonight, so maybe i will skip out on speed scrabble with the 'working' people, and take a much needed nap. tomorrow starts the end of sanity at our house for the next week. joel and his girlfriend get here late tonight, and kayla gets here possibly with fiancee on friday. the wedding rehearsal is friday night, and matt gets married on saturday. then there is the reception, and craziness after that. Geezz... (note title) it still hasnt sunk in yet. i realize it has been some months that they have been engaged, but maybe i just never took it seriously. little sleep is in my future. i guess i can deal with it.

i am very interested in seeing Mr. and Mrs. Smith. judging by Nathan's reaction, i am more encouraged. although he is the same one who liked 'The Notebook', but still. well, i guess scrabble wins today. the nap will end up just being my good night. oh well. hope thomas is having an awesome time on the cruise. talk to everyone soon.

This is what it's all about!

2005-06-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

In case anyone has ever tried the link to "the rope" you are now able to do so. i guess i just had an extra slash at the end of the hyperlink which apparently was the whole problem. so after 2 months of having that on my sidebar and it not working, that is a pretty crappy reason for it not to have worked. oh well.

so, this summer i thought was going to be freaking awesome, but it hasnt started off that way. first of all, i really want to go swimming, and i havent gotten to. second of all, i havent been able to work outside a whole lot, partially because it has been raining, but also because of my job at topeka high. so it isnt that hard, but i have to work with jacob scholl and ben nelson. jacob, who only talks about basketball and girls, while ben rants about these stupid movies nobody has ever heard of, playing them up like they are amazing, when actually the only thing amazing about them is that, thankfully, the subtitles are turned off, and you cant understand just how dumb they really are. then he bashes my music, you arent the only one dana, and thinks putting me down is his job for the day, as obviously we dont have a real job. i hope we go down to the gym some time next week. maybe we will play dodgeball or something, then i can hit them in places of meaning. i dont really know what the deal is. i just cant stand being around them. this is going to be a long summer.

moving on, mission's trip is really going to suck now. ben is going to that too. i might have been able to bear it if i wasnt working with him every day of the week now. i hope God has a different plan for ben, otherwise i will have to make it for him.

so i guess that wasnt exactly moving on, but i am just so frsutrated right now. i wish someone would tell me i am better then i really am so that i can feel good about myself even though i know what i am doing is really ridiculous. i mean i dont give ben a reason to hate me. i guess immaturity is bred by those foolish minds of which cant contend that what they are doing is ne thing other than what is good and what is normal. abstract, but nothing wrong. sad i know.

well, summer sizzle is next week. i am looking forward to that. nothing can stop me!! oh yeah, its supposed to rain. FOR THE NEXT WEEK. soccer next friday at 6 out at the complex. saturday @4, and sunday morning at 8. further updates if we are moving on.

Seniors..

2005-05-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

Yes. you too jerry! lol, for anyone who heard me say that on sunday.. i appreciate you humoring me with your laughs; whether they were audible or not. i feel the love! but back to the title. there are some things about being a senior that are just flat out appealing.
1) You can just not go to school and nobody will think less of you. some of my friends tried to use it this last year, with mixed results. let's see, how many have truancy officers now..?
2) You are looked up to in athletics and in social activities. this will be one that i cherish and take full advantage of in the next 12 months.
3) I wont HAVE to have a full schedule second semester!

I hate starting lists and not be able to think of a lot of things that were driving me to type them. whatever. so, now that school is out. "O, how i love ___" (yes i know how the song goes, but bear with me) "... SUMMER. i think i have officailly decided that i am not going to school next year. i will just play as much soccer as i possibly can, get my GED online and go professional from there. shut up, you know it could happen.. if i didnt want to play school season so much next year, then maybe.. but then i wouldnt be able to see all my... oh yeah MOST of them graduated. im so sad. but this is NOT a xanga, and i refuse to stoop to that level upon which EMO kids vent on how their lives suck so much and how terribly they need their friends and their music.it must be tough having to try to spend all of mommy and daddy's money all by themselves.. when weed and alcohol dont satisfy.. XANGA!! i will just think those thoughts and spare you all the pain and ... (cant think of another adjective.)

So, landscaping as of yesterday, which will go into next week, and starting at High next tuesday, appears that i will be extremely busy. YEAH. "oh, deja vu, only a different family member." "bu.. hmm.." now was that really necessary? oh, good times.

Last night i went and watched Shaolin Soccer. supposedly it was by a director with a good track record. that is definitely in question. it was like a cross between Kung Pow and Drunken Master (any of the set). so it was pretty funny, but i dont think i will ever watch it again if i had the choice. tuesday of Summer Sizzle (yes, im still going to call it that, because it has the tradition principal in its favor.) is supposed to be scary movie night, which was my idea, anybody remember that wednesday night when mark was asking for ideas.. that was my addition to the discussion, but ne way.. what movie can we watch? Halloween.. any of the Chucky movies.. IT.. The Grudge.. scary movie.. ok so the last one was a joke, but seriously, what are we going to watch.

Sunday night- soccer at Sports Zone. i will give out a schedule when i get one.
Monday night- soccer at Stamm's.
Tuesday night- softball
one other night of the week, soccer again at Sports Zone.

i really dont think i have ever looked forward to a summer this much. i hope i am not putting too much into this just to have my expectations demolished. it will be one of the last, if not the last summer of it's kind. there are at least 3 people i need to get caught up with, and if you are the same way, i would encourage you to not put them off. build and nurture your relationships during the summer so when you are on lean times (i realize that there are economical connotations to that comment) you will have those extra times to help you sustain the relationship. that is probably all i have for now. tomorrow is looking fairly lax which will be welcomed, maybe with some mowing, but welcome none-the-less. have a great day. Cair Paravel.. good luck on those last finals.

And then..

2005-05-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

so i realize that now that SCHOOL IS OUT!!!! I should have lots more time to blog.. like once a day, and i realize that that would most likely be feasible, but not in the least practical. i also figured that after a week and a half of life those loyal readers that may or may not still exist, were ready to read about something other then prom. frankly, i am ready to think about something other then prom. ok, so i havent been thinking about prom persay, but..

so finals, as well as junior year closed up shop today. hopefully never to be heard from again! its still just doesnt seem like i am going to be, am practically already, a senior. i guess i should, after this last week, feel comfortable as like the oldest kids in the school. it wasnt the same without the seniors. not that things werent cool, but its just that they were there all year, then they just.. werent. reality check into the boards.

so it doesnt look like i got the job at school.. that may change some of my summer. i dont know if a job would be a good idea? mostly because it would take away some of the opportunities i am bound to have!! but also, i would really be putting in jeopardy some hours that i need to be flexible with. with everything i still have going this summer i will need to be able to get off when i need to, which is something i would have been able to do with the school job. but i guess we will see. no worries, you know?

So tonight i went and saw Star Wars III. umm, ne one want to go? if you pay, please believe i will go again. i was throughly pleased with the closure that was made through this installment. there were a few lacking areas, but the amount of everything made up for them. there is definitely no comparison with the other 2 newer ones. someone i was with made the point that, overall, the 3rd one belonged with the first 3 (4,5,6) in terms of how well done it was. it definitely gives you a new appreciation for what some of the characters went through during the transition. some ideas that you never would have thought of... i didnt feel like that was a spoiler, so i didnt mention it as such. apologies to ne one who felt that way.

it still just doesnt feel like i am done with school. for 3 months i dont have to worry about school, and homework and HAVING to get up at 6 every morning. no i only have to do that if i want to! but seeing as i am taking the ACT in june for the 2nd time, i guess i am not done with my studying for the summer. the worst thing about that test is that it is being given on June 11 which is the day after the lake night of A.G. (previously Summer Sizzle). not a total bad thing, i just wont be able to do ne thing after the lake. oh well, at that time i will still have like my WHOLE summer left! it will go by fast though, i know it will. be careful with your time, you only have the ability to cherish these opportunities once. take advantage. love life. congrats to the graduates.

Prom.. life moves on

2005-05-11T04:06:00.000-07:00

It isnt that i have been putting this post off persay, but i really have been pretty out-of-my-mind busy lately. ok, so falling asleep 4 times yesterday doesnt really reflect that i realize but still. i dont know what my problem was with sleeping so much? i guess i should start at the beginning.

Friday, (yes 5 days ago, i know i am a terrible person when it comes to keeping this up) we had leadership training at Leenerts. i dont know what my expectations were going in to the beginning/end of my night, seeing as it ran from 7-12, but whatever they were, they were eclipsed when i walked in the door. one of the first people i saw was thomas, whom i hadnt seen in 3 weeks i think. i thought that was ridiculous, and he must have too, as we hugged in the kitchen for a while. ... think what you may, just dont stop reading. ne way. so the time was really good. i think i did a pretty good job of getting caught up on CP life, and getting them caught up on mine as well. we played the I've never game, the full contact way. dang. interesting, very interesting. without naming ne names. mullets, speed-demons, alcoholics (not really seriously there arent), dress wearing boys.. i dont want to give anyone the wrong idea about our youth group because it is really an awesome group of people. so friday night was a prelude, a sort of lead in to what was to come. the atmosphere and the conversation, and the all-around good time in general.

PROM
So not getting to bed until 2 might not have been such a hot idea. i woke up around 8 and left to get my passport stuff finished up around 9. i had a jazz gig at Washburn at 10 and got home at about11:20. i got some food, and tried to plan out my afternoon. i did a thorough cleaning inside and out of the car, got the corsage, did some other cleaning, got cleaned up and i got dressed at about 4:50. that was my plan all along. i had to leave the hous at about 5:20, which almost didnt happen because the parents thought they needed some pictures of just me.. definitely unneccessary. its not like i dont always look that good.. hmm.. but ne way, i picked jayne up at 5:30, and we went over to gage park for pictures. pictures, and a whole lot people! there were alot of others there, so the process was pretty long. we headed over to maddie's at about 6:20, and had a 5..6..7 course meal! it was very good. after liftoff (!) we went over to reed underwood's for some dessert. i guess pretty much everyone else had creme brulee, but i had this chocolate and whipped cream thing that was very good. another 3-500 pictures later we left for prom. we got over to school at about 9:30 and got our stuff checked in, which, as nathan made clear, was a bad move, and went in to the dance. i can appreciate that i am not, and maybe never will be a dancer, and i dont even think i could say that i tried my best, but i did try, occasionally. prom was fun. getting my jacket back wasnt. it wasnt getting the jacket, cuz that only took about maybe 2 minutes once i got up there, but even after getting in front of quite a few people, i was in line for an hour and 15 minutes. we finall got out of the school and back to the car at 12. we went and got changed at jayne's, and met jill and austin, our condensed group for prom and after prom, at 12:45. we went in, which almost didnt happen cuz jayne "lost" her ticket. after prom was pretty fun. i definitely was playing the wrong games if it was money and good prizes i was after, but i still had fun. i rode the electric bull, and definitely conquered that. i climbed the rock wall, and lost by inches!! we played this inflatable dodgeball thing, which the girls didnt like very much (go figure), and came away with a few crappy prizes. after-prom got over about 4:30 and we went over to jills from there. there were wayy too many people there for that time of the morning. after breakfast which was graciously provided by jill's mom, we went to the basement where everyone was talking about different things. i was not in the conversation mode by now. it may have had to do with the lack of sleep from the night before, but whatever the reason, i fell asleep in the middle of the floor, while everyone was talking. i was only out for about 20 minutes, but it helped a little bit. jayne was ready to go by then, and i got her home by 6 or so. i made it back to mi casa at about 6:15. im pretty sure i sped all the way home, enticed by a bed, and a shower.. mm.. sounds good now too. i got to bed around 6:30 and was out until mother's day lunch at 1. i most likely would not have gotten up had it not been mother's day, but i figured i hadnt been around a whole lot lately, so i did. sunday was definitely not productive, but that was okay. i went to bed at 8:30 and then woke up at 6 for getting ready for school. so that is prom. i liked it alot. quality time spent with quality people is definitely the way to go. i really appreciated our group of 4, especially jayne who had, no, got, to put up with me the whole night. thank you for making my night memorable. i dont know what next year at this time will bring, probably a lot of stress, but hopefully not.

Softball started. soccer is closing up this weekend. we have governor's cup in town, so people should come out and watch. 3 more days for seniors. very sad. :( :( and i have 7 more days. maybe i will get through this. i mean, i will get through this, and then have my whole summer to look forward to!! its going to be awesome. sorry for the long post. it had been a while though, and a complete run-down of prom was necessary. have a good week. finish strong.

Pertrubed upon arrival

2005-05-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

I was really struggling with a title befitting its content. Does anyone else really dislike Dr. Phil? he is bad enough when i cant even watch his show, then they decide to put him on prime time.. i dont know what i am going to do.

to get you guys up to date.. last thursday we had our all school elections, in which susanna and i were running for all school Pres./VP together. it was a nerve-racking day during which i was unable to focus very well, but for the most part i was pretty comfortable with how things went during our speech and questions following. we both felt good about how the assembly had gone, but that did little to encourage the butterflies to migrate from my stomach. we were forced to waith until the end of the day to find out the results of the voting. we were informed that we had not won. kristen and maria were to be our new all-school team. i had a very mixed reaction to the outcome. i was very disappointed. i was looking forward to the opportunity to have such a leadership role in the school. on the other hand, i also realized that there would be immense time commitment involved in such a position, and given the current state of my academic performance, which isnt bad persay, just at a lack of discipline, and self motivation. at the same time though it is more then just about the election. as i said in my previous post, this would be an opportunity to see where i stood in the school. i found out, but not in the way i had expected. i went in to the election with the mindset that if i didnt win i was in poor standing with those who were my friends. as it turns out (and maybe it has more to do with being the loser and them being nice, but this is my time!) i was so encouraged by all the comments i received from those who had voted for me and were sad for me that i hadnt been elected. it was pretty amazing the way things worked out. i know kristen and maria will work hard, and they have encouraged me to run for rep. next year, but i havent decided on that yet.

i havent seen... anyone that went to NYC! i have seen pictures through Thomas's blog, and a few stories from mixed sources, but i am excited to see people again. oh wait. i saw lauren, anna and savannah on monday. so scratch half of the last comment. this weekend is fully called for. we have leafership training for missions trip on friday for 5 hours, and then saturday morning we have a jazz gig, and then we have prom saturdaty night. sunday will probably spent recovering from prom. i dont know whether i will plan to go to church after after prom and after breakfast.. and whatever else the night/morning entails. im excited. i just want it to be here, personally, so that i dont have to think about it, and talk myself into a frenzy.

this weekend i decided my soccer career was far more important then was my track career. aactually it wasnt by choice. in our game on saturday i got hurt. i dont really know what i did in terms of my leg, but let me try to describe the actions that led to me laying on the ground in a featal position of pain. i had taken a kid baseline and had come out to about the right corner of the 6 where i planted to shoot. the goalie who had the agression of a scarecrow decided he needed to do something for a change and dove out at me. he hit me just below the knee driving it inward. it twisted and he landed on top of it. i was pulled down in an awkward position which didnt help things at all, which brings us to now. it hurts with much activity, and after walking for a while. i have not been to track practice all week, and didnt run in the meet yesterday. i am questionable for friday. personally, i dont know whether i really want to run or not... i would love to do well, but it is sooo time consuming. i hope i didnt hurt it very bad.. how novel.. but i dont know what would be best right now. i hope to be able o go to the WR soccer game on friday, or at least next tuesday when they play our girls. kelsie i am still planning to come. if i can i promise i will.

11 days of school! poor seniors only have 7! good luck with that.

I cant believe..

2005-04-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

I cant believe.. (maybe i will think of more things this time!)
~that we only have 3 weeks of school left.
~I am going to be a senior. but before that i will be 18!
~how much time track takes up; how fast Jared Huske is!
~I am going to have to deal with all the stress that i have experienced this year, without some of my best friends. at least they will be (at least) 60 miles away and not able to help me in person.
~Running a campaign cant be be a dissatisfying time. you see where you are with your student body, and then, win or lose, you feel like your life and integrity have been micromanaged (two words?) and you are unable to know what people took from that rigorous check.
Further thoughts.
When you are down, you are down, until you can give up on yourself and give Him who has true understanding of you.
Being placed under labels that you dont feel apply to you hurts.

So some people left yesterday for class trips from CP, and today was Senior skip day (Hope you all have a great time!). go figure that those two events would fall under simulatenous schedules. irony, i swear. So i guess that i am going to have to retake the ACT. i was very disappointed and disturbed by my poor score. i am not very willing to tell my score, i just thought i would put that out there. i will say though that it was good enough to go to any state school. that isnt saying much but i didnt want to leave you completely hanging.

i have tried for a long time to figure out how to get that link on my blog to work and i have failed every time. someone with experience will have to spell it out to me. it is a great story, and has good value but i cant get it to work.

"You will fall, and if, by the time you hit the ground, you have solved the problem, you werent dropped hard enough." oh, man, how bad that one feels.

"When i no longer want to give to life any more, then life should not give to me any more."
So true.

Pursue these last weeks with fervor as though in a race, because it is a race, and those who run the hardest and the fastest will come out ahead of the others. Sadly, I am falling in line with the back of the pack right now.

Summer, the bliss that is.. not school

2005-04-20T19:49:00.000-07:00

In a recent email i began with the following statement:
"Ah, the end of the year draws ever nearer.
the heciticness draws even larger shadows under the
eyes that for a moment, scream against the betrayal of
sanity, and beg for a time of less stress and also an
afternoon of peace, quiet, lemonade, and a good chiq
flick, err.. a really good guy movie."

So, that is pretty much how i am dealing with life pre- May 19. wow! less then a month! how awesome is that? let me answer that one for myself. that is FREAKIN AWESOME. i had the best summer ever last year and this one is on tap to be even better. i have explained all that that will entail, but i cant stress my excitement enough.

It was soo hot at track today. so what do we decide to do? it just so happens that there is not a bus to take underclassmen over to Hummer for track today, so we have to have our practice at High. ... IN THE GYM! so there isnt 2000 people in there for a basketball game, but there isnt a brisk night just beyond the Western St. doors when the heat becomes too much either. there is no escape. just like when you are being chased in your dreams. did you ever notice that? you are being chased, and you go to the best hiding spots, but it is impossible to stay hidden. what kind of dream would that be if the bad guys couldnt find you? would you just lay still, and have an amazingly deep sleep? .. ne way, so that requires you to subconsiously invite the "bad guys" to find you continuing to run and be pursued. (how did i get here..?) ah yes, we ran in the gym, and outside on the concrete and in the grass and in the bleachers. having had shin splints for the last 3 weeks, i was less then pleased with the protocol for the day, and am paying the price tonight. not my idea of a good time, let me tell you.

NHS inductions are less then necessary. we sit, and sit, and listen, and then we are introduced to recieve our certificates. if you are me, you are more then capable of making things less stressful on others by making a fool of yourself while trying to follow directions as to the order of events that you didnt pay any attention to. let me know, and i will tell you the story. no biggie though.

prom in 2 weeks and 4 days! good thing things are starting to fall into place. i look forward to the night, but the apprehension is really starting to build. ah well..

"Give em a break." a statement used by the KS Department of Transportation, but also very capable of being applied to some drama that is going on now. it just isnt worth the time and effort that is being put into it. i encourage those involved to look to put it behind them. you will need all of these real friends that you have before it is over.

Have a good week/weekend!

Apparently..

2005-04-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

So, as it seems:
I dont really follow my titles very well in relation to what i really blog about.
I really dont like running that much, i just.. do things i dont want to do sometimes.
My ability to blow spit bubbles has really taken off, thanks mostly in part to Thomas, and other CP people who get bored on occasion.
I had a lot more of these things to write and can't think of ne of them right now! go figure.

So track continues to take up about.. oh, all my time! it is kind of frustrating. i guess i am getting better? i dont know if i really had much choice. if anyone was curious, 300 meters + hurdles is really long, and really hard. Huske makes me want to never run. except we arent allowed to compare our races or times against his. it just isnt fair. its hard to want to continue. maybe after our next meet i will make city honor roll. according to the paper today, i am just outside the listings in both of my events. i guess that is exciting. it really is, i just dont know how much yet. one thing about track is that it helps me better appreciate having a REAL sport that i love and am successful, and getting better at. and, seeing that soccer is the most hardcore sport of them all, it must be easy to understand where i am coming from!

So i decided that i would run for all-school president. not a huge surprise to anyone near the subject, i have been planning for over a year to do it. the running mate, and how i am going about it may be rather surprising though. the person i was going to run with decided he didnt want to do it. so, i asked someone else and they werent interested, so as it is, i am running with my sister. this is not a bad thing. it should simplify things as far as campaigning and getting ready, and post victory (Lord willing) and into next year, being able to talk about things and discuss events and things at home will be nice. i am not guaranteeing anything, so i hope nobody gets the wrong idea. support through comments and prayers are very much appreciated and welcomed by all.

i havent been to service in 3 weeks! soccer and pasta bar have prevented me from hearing Big Jim preach from the box. i look forward to getting back to a regular schedule this weekend. maybe some plans for friday and saturday would be nice. thomas, it looks like i might be coming to the play, if only for you. so i guess that might be my saturday... hmm.. i want to do something really fun though!

so busy though. i HAVE to make it through the next few weeks, and i will be able to coast through the rest of the year.

Enjoy down time, as it may come, and cherish the opportunity to just be silent and watch. have a great week.

As you can see..

2005-04-12T19:00:00.000-07:00

A response to the last post i wrote.. YESTERDAY! when was the last time i blogged 2 days in a row? never. but, this one, sadly, wont be as long. i am hoping to get into the habit of blogging twice as often so as to save you half the reading per entry. good plan huh? i thought so too. there were only a few things that i had to input before the ns got too old.

This weekend during one of two workdays that we had in preparation and then in service at the pasta bar that we had to raise money for our mission's trip this summer. i dont know how well we did with selling ourselves, but we did a dang good job of eating stuff that was left after we were done serving! at least i did. i almost ate to the point of being unable to walk. those are fun times! like thanksgiving all over again! aww... i miss thanksgiving. it's my favorite holiday im pretty sure. alot of good quality family time. ne way. short note of thanks to dana for helping out our cause on saturday. she is on vacation, and she takes the time to help us get ready for something she wont even be here for.. now that is cool! much thanks.

Ocean's 12 comes out.. today!! i havent seen it yet. i realize what i have been missing out on, and i want to fix it i really do, ne one interested in helping me get that one cleared up? it would be much appreciated.

Jayne.. I dont know what to say. I am pretty sure that the only ones that will outlast your currently running record will have to delete their blogs to beat your no bog record! and even some of them.. only kidding. i know i will hear about that one before you leave for colorado, which will be tons of fun even though there are no cool people going. except ben.. hopefully i will get the job. i need something with some steady money. mm.. money! lol, totally kidding.

Another busy weekend ahead with track.. dont get me started on track, then soccer in Liberty again. i love soccer! have a good day.

I'm such a failure

2005-04-11T18:30:00.000-07:00

Hopefully the title was enough to get your attention. if not, maybe just the fact that i blogged for the first time in 10 days will do the trick. there have been a few new things that have occured since i last blogged. to open this blog i would like to note that i am excited about life. i dont remember the last time i really felt this way. As i go to that heinous place, and do that hated things they call public education, i am stricken with the feelings of guilt and deperity that are so sadly prevalent in the school and community i live in. That recognition coupled with the hope that i feel every day in knowing that i have been truly blessed, blows me away. The truth that there are soo many people that i come in contact with that i should readily share my faith with and dont is frustrating, as it should be, but as i continue to grow i know it wont get any easier, it will just become more and more difficult to overcome the obstacles that people are faced with. Thank God that He is the one that has to deal with that, and that I am just to work FOR him. that is point #1. Life isnt even about me. It is a weird feeling to grasp. The life i am living at this moment is to be selfless and lived only to the pursuit of.. pleasing... God. (not happiness, or myself, respecitvely)

As the mission's trip draws nearer, i cant help but have doubts. excuses are like candy, (apologies to Jayne and Kelsie for my analogies) they are so easy to pick up, and get in the habit of taking advantage of, and then you are at a loss when they are no longer available. correlation to doubts? both are of satan. God wouldnt want you to doubt your testimony, becuase it is, as He is. and doubts only make us more easily tuned in to the idea that we are in control, when we are not. i was struck dumb, no comment required (but comments are nice :) ) by something that was said at Rubbish a few weeks ago. our leader was talking about an inspection that took place at his work, and being one of the supervisors he was responsible for not only making sure that his things were in order, but also those of the people under him. he was a small minority when it came to his approach to the inevitable stress that came with this inspection. he was asked how he thought things were going to go, and his response was simple. "it will go however it is supposed to go." how divine. the idea is that things will go as they are planned to go. you wont do better then you are suposed to do just because you work really hard. God is in control of all of that. it was an amazing revelation especially considering that i had the ACT last Saturday. i studied a little bit, but it was the comfort i took going into it that made the difference in how i looked at it.

Ok, maybe i will get off of my soap box for a few paragraphs or so. there are only like 30 days of school left in this school year! i am rather excited about this. this summer is set to be amazing. we have summer sizzle (name pending), and i will be working morning and afternoons throughout the summer, then we have my brother's wedding, and mission's trip, and summer blast, then my BIRTHDAY!! so busy, and a few mowing jobs in between. BUSY! but exciting none-the-less.

Not very excited about the seniors who will be heading off to college. i have really made some meaningful relationships this last year. Nathan, Thomas, Craig, other CP people, Jayne, Maddie, .. and there are others but im at a loss right now. i am willing to edit my list if you leave me a comment though. but those 5 that i just named specifically have made huge impacts on my life over the last 365 days (roughly) and there have defnitely been memories made. i realize this blog is a little premature, i mean, they still have to graduate first. it would probably be a good idea to NOT fail calc jayne. it wouldnt look very good.

This last week i: had a track meet, 4 soccer games, two days of service to my church, a few late night talks, a walk through the woods (i totally saw deer, it was awesome) a birthday party, a day off of school, and 5 times of watching The Incredible. (that was probably the coolest animated movies ever) there are other things that happened but, i would have to restate my last sentence of 2 paragraphs.

well, i look forward to these last few weeks of April, as hectic as they will be, then i have prom! very excited for that as well. i realize this is really long, and that many people probably won even read it just for that fact. that is the main problem with not updating more often. maybe i will learn from this experience. have a good week.

Ewww... BLOOD!!!

2005-04-01T20:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the title is a little bit deceiving. I am actually not afraid of blood. But, all of those claims were finally put to a test that fateful day.. (today) Earlier this week i signed up to donate blood. i knew i wouldnt have to run at the track meet today, which was a relief, so i figured no problem. i am not really nervous about these kinds of things as far as pain goes, and i dont mind my own blood ne way, i actually find it kinda cool. so i stay calm throughout the day and am totally ready to give blood at my designated hour of 1:35 in the afternoon. i left lunch and checked into my 7th hour, then elise and i headed to the ROTC room for some quality blood donating. when i get there i become somewhat apprehensive when i see that there is a questionairre to fill out. it asks about medication and and heart & lung problems. i am taking medicine for my back and have had asthma since kindergarten. so i was preparing myself to be rejected, something i have mixed reactions towards. i was reassured, however, that what i was doing was completely acceptable. now for the more humorous part of my story. after the simple run through done by the initial nurse, and the blood sugar test which i had a hard time believing that my finget would bleed that much, i was moved to a larger, more comfortable chair for the real procedure. i say procedure like i was going under the knife and that they were going to put me out or something. neither of which happened, except that they almost didnt need ne medicine to put me out.

As the nurse prepared me, she put the blood pressure band around my "massive" bicep and gave me a rubber ball, instructing me to squeeze hard 3 times and not to look as she inserted the needle. i did so, and as felt the prick, i hear her say "oh, oops!" that was prolly the most disconcerting comment she could have made. "oh, my fault, i forgot to put you to sleep before we cut open your heart"; or, "oh, gee, i sure missed the tendon and caught the bone on that one!" so at this point i knew it would not be good. i looked down, and much to my relief i saw that my vein had only squirted blood all over my shirt. it was pretty cool. it looked kinda tye-dye. not that i am a big tie-dye person, but let's look at the glass being half full for a moment. i was kinda amused actually, and the rest of the day, which was really only about 10 minutes in the hall after school i decided to put myself out there, and field shocked questions about what could possibly have happened to my shirt. i had a pretty good day, and i do say so myself.

Young Life was a lot of fun on Monday. i couldnt have told you before how much i had really missed it, but just seeing and spending time with some of the people i saw was priceless. you sometimes get that out of place feeling, but when you are wearing a safety green t-shirt, you pretty much ask for it. so i was in the boat by myself on that one. it was awesome tho. Tuesday we had our first track meet, which i really wasnt ready for. i did pretty well considering. i got a silver and a bronze and a 5th. i wasnt upset. the one i got 3rd in is my main event, and the one i plan to be working the most on the rest of the season, so now i can actually have a goal for practice. i didnt "get" to run today because i did the blood thing. I have another meet next friday, but i also have a soccer tournament tomorrow which i need to get sleep for, and hopefully i can get clear of all this drowsiness that i feel. who falls asleep at weddings? i didn... yeah i did. it was bad. i was totally out of it. I got to meet Dana officially tonight which was cool, and now i have a very full rest of the weekend. I have soccer saturday and sunday, Stugo basketball @6 at Topeka High tomorrow night which everyone still needs to come to. and maybe even a little soccer action on sunday afternoon. we will see if i get to that homework thing.

I saw the incredibles tonight while waiting for the phone to ring. lol, i wasnt really waiting for it. it would have been nice, but i am not naive, or super sensitive, and expectations arent stuff i like to get into. i really hope that i can see as many people as possible this weekend. we also have next friday off!! we shall see how that goes. soccer tourney. wish me luck. talk to everyone as soon as they call. have a good weekend.

Thoughts Upon Return

2005-03-27T10:43:00.000-08:00

It feels great to be home. I really appreciated the time away, trust me, and the nice weather was extremely nice too. The car trips were more easily handled with the CD's I was given. thank you so much to those who took the time to make me them. i really appreciate that. A big family is nice most of the time, but most of you can atest that there are times when your family just drives you out of your mind. and when you all are in close proximitities for long periods of time, some just cant handle it. i survived, i guess.

While in Florida we went to the beach and I even saw an alligator! it was awesome. i wasnted to see a big one, but it only took about 15 minutes upon arrival that we saw one sunning itself on a fountain in the middle of this lake that was only about 30 feet across. the fountain was attached to the land by this cord, and i wanted to pull on it to see the gator move. i started down toward the water and all i saw was all these bubbles starting in a line toward me. that was pretty disconcerting, so i backed off pretty fast.

I had my first real experience in Halo 2, and i took it in a large dose. We stayed with my sister's boyfriend while were there, the boys did that is, and there were two consecutive nights of 2 a.m. mornings where we had been up playing X-Box. prolly a total of 10 hours of Halo last week. I am not that good, but i loved it. We went to the beach, which was a new experience for me, and that was really cool too. it was overcast but it was still 75 degrees, so i wasnt complaining. i got a mediocre tan but that wasnt really the important thing.

Through the whole trip though, from the girl on the highway to the peeing in the ocean story, all and all it was a good trip. I could have sworn that i gained 5 pounds, at least, but it turns out i may have ended up losing weight. how depressing. the story of my life i guess. on the way home, my eyes were opened to the number of roadside memorials that were along the highway. i probably saw 12-15 during a 7-8 hour stretch which isnt very exciting, but being the spastic writer i am, which is probably more accurately described as being picky and needing heavy inspiration, i decided to write, so here is what i came up with.

Crosses Aren't Enough
Along the road, symbols of death,
the signs point to lives of those lost.
Point in the direction of a simple truth,
Truth that escapes none and Touches most.

Blood. It is everywhere. Used to paint the picture
A picture that reflects the events unwitnessed by those onlooking.
Innocent eyes wonder, as minds try to grasp total understanding.
1, 2, 3.. 5.. 10 crosses, of victims remembered near the road now crossing.

Free from guilt but not of sorrow
Dissatisfaction with the earth we all live on.
Courage and integrity live on, but how
can justice be served to reality without compassion?

No symbol can describe who a person was.
The full context of their character living through
An insignificant wooden crosspiece that
No more says Buddhist more then Jew.

Perspective lives in those who have truly seen
The manitude of love of this unknown who's passed.
A murderer? Drug felon? Pastor, friend?
Only to be known when our own time ends.

It relates also to humans as well. It is sometimes hard to tell just who someone really is just by what they say or do. many times people put up a "cross" to give the impression that people want to see. Sometimes it is impossible to tell whether one may see that person in heaven or not. harsh reality i am sorry, but it is true.

HAppy Easter. Hope everyone can make a smooth transition back into the whole school thing. Im sorry it has to happen too. Oh well, til next time...
P.S. Everyone should come to Stugo basketball game next Saturday at 6 @ Topeka High. IM GONNA PLAY!!

And... They're Off!!

2005-03-17T02:54:00.000-08:00

I feel compelled to blog at "such a time as this" for a couple of reasons. Dana's blog made me think about how long I had had mine, and sure enough today is my one month anniversary! as of last night, i had a combined (between my last stupid counter and my new one) 700 hits!! Every one of which is appreciated. As are every one of you, no matter how long I have known you, or how many times I have commented on your blog.

I also look back at the last month of my life, in retrospect, to get a better idea of where i have come. Some of the highlights include:
Having Kayla, Kevin, My cousin (Marshmallow) and her friend (Hamburger) and my brother Matt and his girlfriend (Laura Lee) all here at THE SAME TIME! that was a pretty awesome day, and week as Kayla and Kevin (her boyfriend) stayed a few more days.
Getting the chance to meet some new people, a.k.a alot of the TCCC youth group, and being able to hang out with Kelsie and Rachel as well. I really look forward to continued involvement with a great group of people upon return. Also, having gone out for track this year, i have met some cool people through that as well. Even though yesterday really showed me where i was at, and that was nowhere close to where I wish I was, that doesnt change. I have gotten alot of help, and even though i have never ran the sport myself, people have been open to advice and that has been a nice blessing.
Wednesday night groups at church have been amazing as well. They have been so beneficial, and in times like today, and our generation in general, the kinds of "radical" ideas that are being taught are so.. i dont know, its just an amazing time to be able to talk about somewhat controversial topics with some people that wouldnt usually have an effect on your life, and give them a chance to change the way you look at things for the betterment of yourself. its a gift to be able to lower your ego enough to do that. i am thankful that that has been possible for me.
Grow closer in some friendships. There doesnt require a lot of explanation. when you are given the opportunity to allow yourself to open up, and be a helping hand, whether that requires you to take the initiative and maybe that means that you have to give more, then by all means, do it. You will look back at your investment, and hopefully you will see that friend, and just how far you have come. I pray that things will continue to grow solidly and as they are meant to be grown, and if you do it right, Lord willing, the future is boundless.

Sorry, for some that may have felt like a lot of sap.

I look forward to this time of the year every year. MARCH MADNESS!! KU is not playing as strong as in some years in the past, but if the last 3 are of ne testament, and their seniors have been solid most of the year, then they really have potential to do well this year. 9:50 (Eastern Time) Friday!! I cant wait. If we lose to Bucknell, who happens to be a huge threat... My sleeper of the year is Pitt. After a slow first round game against Pacific, they will step up and play the game of their lives agains Washington and make it to the Sweet 16. Another team to watch out for would probably be Utah. I hate to bet against the Big 12 so i wont, but beware the UTES!! this will definitely be an interesting tournament. I look forward to every game! Despite a play-in setback, i am confident that i will be correct in my last 65 predictions.

If you hadn't noticed, i am writing this at 5 o'clock in the morning! we will probably leave for Florida in about 2 hours...? maybe less. i am totally excited. i realize i will probably have to drive but this year we have a DVD player and i have 7 new CD's to listen to. Thanks completely to the generosity of some of my best friends. You both are very generous, and i hope you know what that means to me, especially with all that is going on in your own life right now, and to invest your own time in me is very special, i hope i made you feel special too! There is always that chance. I will only be gone for.. 10 days I think. if things work out on my schedule i will be home by sunday of the next week, otherwise it may be quite a while before i see any of you, if it isnt at church on Easter. I look forward to all of the stories of everyone's break, and i hope to have some of my own, but at least i will be very tan!! and none of that fake stuff. Well, there are things to be done, so i will have to sign out at this time. i look forward to talking to you guys at some point, maybe i will be able to blog sometime while there, we will see. I'm praying for all of you who are traveling, especially those who will be going out of country. i trust that you wont drink the water, and that you will all stay safe, you know i will... well, whatever works for you i guess. erin i wont forget our deal, and i hope you wont either. you are really gonna test me this weekend. this is really long, trying to make up for the lack of blogs in the last week i guess. i apologize again, and until next time... Have a great Spring Break!

Soo.. where has everyone been?

2005-03-10T17:11:00.000-08:00

Well.. i do apologize for the extreme length of time that it has taken to write in this thing. i have been really busy, but i know that is not a good excuse. on a side note, nathan, i have been curious as to whether that was your mom or not that commented. it seems too close to that stupid commercial where those kids are smoking.. hopefully there is no trouble. anyway, i decided that this week was catch up week. given that it was the last day of the quarter today, that was prolly a good idea. i go some extra chemistry points today, which i was in need of, and i took an AP US history test today complete with a DBQ (document based question), and on top of all of that, i had a long term, turned short time, English assignment which consisted of about 6 hours of work or so, and i sure did put it off until yesterday.

So.. today at track we went through our regular regimen of warm up lap, stretch, lap, warm up drills, lap, and then we broke up into our groups. the guy sprinters went with Hoddison and Littleford, and we did 4 sets of continuous 200's. if you cant imagine it, i will try to help you with a visual. when you get done, it feels like your legs are jell-o and someone left them out.. for a long time. and then.. the hurdles coach who thinks that i am going to state in the 300 hurdles (yeah i know, for real..) called the hurdlers over to do hurdle work. it was terrible. m legs hurt soo much. i used to wonder why i hadnt tried track before this year, now not a day goes by where my body couldnt answer that question for me.

I, through the blogging and conversations that i have had with some people, have decided that there are soo many people that have been really messed up from High school relationships. i am not thinking of ne one in particular, but you know if you are one of them. my brother went through it so i have been through the same kinds of things from a personal but not personal standpoint as well. i have never really understood them personally. i know it didnt take me a long time to decide that i didnt want them ne more, but for those of you who feel strongly about them that is your call. i dont think they are beneficial for me, but i mean if you meet someone you really like and the feelings are mutual, and you both feel like the other is mature enough for the stress and struggles of a relationship with the time and circumsatnces that you havem then more power to you.

i am really looking forward to this 3 day weekend. i need a break! lol, i just got done with a 5 day weekend, now a 3 day weekend, and next week a 3 day week, then a 9 day weekend!! so i guess it will take me a little longer to get burnt out on school then some of the rest of you. thats okay with me, i am happy with where i am right now. i look forward to going to school and seeing the ones that i enjoy being around, and those that just make me laugh and be happy. life is alot about outlook. i look forward to the future, but dont look past the now. blink and you might miss something.

tonight should be a lot of fun. i get to be around some people i havent really hung out with before and i look forward to a new chance to make some new friends that will be here with me next year. hmm.. that would sure make things easier too. ah well, cherish this one, cuz there is no telling how long it will take to get another one posted. i hope to talk to everyone soon.

p.s. i was really glad to hear that theski trip was amazing. i llok forward to the rest of the stories that are out there, and would love to hear them, so feel free. have a good night.

Reflections Amidst Silence

2005-02-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

I realize now, after about 100 hits and 0 comments that I write these things for me, not for you guys, depite what you may think. Thus, I shall produce something for my own pleasure and enjoyment, nothing one should feel compelled to share, or even acknowledge exists unless that someone feels so inclined to do so and leave a comment. Do not laugh, for this is not a laughing matter. Although, if I were trying to tell you this with a straight face, many of you would know right away that that is impossible for me. So, take this as you may, this is just a sample of what I love to do, regardless of the audience. I will let you know ahead of time that after scrawling the first few lines I was unsure of where to go with my idea. It turns out to be a little bit out of place, at such a time as this but again, take it as you may, just understand that there was little inspiration in this, and after reading it you will know why. I was just wanting to be descript with a little of the emotion of simplicity and such small things, and used a rather unrelated topic to do so. As it is...

Reflections Amidst Silence

He speaks silently, in words inaudible. Like a mouth, without a tongue. A voice so soft, the dog, on the floor awake doesn’t move. Without a sound he moves across the floor, with ease as a ball rolling across a wooden floor. His movements are simple, with such enamoring, calculated progression that had the dog been paying attention, it may now have been asleep. Slinking ever so close to the edge of the extinguished fire in the fireplace, he climbs the ten inches from the floor to the screen that encloses the embers and vapors of death. With so much ease and lack of energy, one may fault him for doing his job without vibrancy, the same vibrancy that makes this time of year the exact time of year that it is, he completes his duties as he has left his plate of cookies and milk at the table, coupled with a note that explains the actions he has thus taken, and is yet to take. He exhales deeply and takes a quick look out the window. He notices the large amount of snow that has built up amidst the lights and ornaments that glimmer off of the white sheets, untouched on the frozen ground. A living burden is lifted from the business of the season, with presents left to be delivered, yet for the moment, all is still. As he steps outside to admire the festive décor and pomp, it is finally obvious to him why he does and has to do what he does. Upon stepping into the auto by which he arrived, he was shocked at the amount of emotion required to fully grasp what it was that he felt. To the brazen home displays, no doubt completed by families, and accompanied by positive fellowship, and to the dwellings with little more then a small Christmas tree, he breathes a quick thanks as he glides away from the city and people that have, for the moment, made his life complete.

To discontinue that series of thoughts, I move to something more now, and say that I am very disappointed in not having Rubbish on Wednesday, but I guess I will have to deal and just watch KU from the home. I look forward to the weekend, although many of you will be gone.. ok, so there isnt a whole lot to look forward to, but again I will deal. Alone. But, after two years that has been something that I have become fairly good at. It happens. I bid everyone good night, and good day. Sleep well, druggies and otherwise!

The pain!!

2005-02-26T12:20:00.000-08:00

I dont remember a morning where I woke up in more pain. It's pretty ridiculous if I do say so myself. And, i dont even know where the pain came from or why. its not even consistent. its my right arm, which i have a reason for, and the right side of my bac which is the same reason, but its also the whole lefy side of my back, my hamstrings, and neck, and i have some weird stomach thing, well it is more like my splein, or intestines, but whatever it is, it hurts. i dont mind pain usually, but back pain is the worst. and i am really curious about the stomach thing.

ne way... i had a really good time last night. i have wanted to see the Grudge for a while, and i finally got my opportunity. i thought it was pretty good, i was kinda disappointed that i didnt get to finish it. it is kinda frustrating for me becuase i hate not knowing what happens, it changes my mindset, and i would like to finish it sometime soon so i can let it go. even if i have to watch it myself. which, as itsounds, is how i will have to do it.

Does anyone have any idea why T.P. played soo much last night? Personally I didnt see it. i decided to sit down, because i could not stand to watch. It was a decision that I made as an issue of my health. it was pretty frustrating to watch yesterday, but the redeeming factor is that it is almost over. at that point, i can look forward to what is an uncertain senior year. There are a lot of uncertainties about next year. many of which I choose not to address consciously. It really isnt worth it to me. But by then who knows whether I will even want to play basketball anymore. ok, so those of you who know me very well, know that i have a very hard time passing up competition. a.k.a not enough will power to not go out next year. I also realize how that is the same reason that Ricky Williams used that he needed to retire, which is very sad, so again, who knows.

Million Dollar Baby? I dont know, it sounds good, maybe a little feedback would help my decision. i know the fellowship would be awesome, it always is, but $5.50? I dont know.

It was great to hear from my brother, and for those of you who have been unable to comment because you are not a blogger, i have fixed that so feel free to comment, it would be highly appreciated. Have a good day everyone.

They're All Gone!

2005-02-22T16:40:00.000-08:00

Well, it was a lot of fun while it lasted. The older brother and sister + thier significant others had been here this weekend, along with my cousin and her friend from St. Louis, and since about a day and a half ago, everyone is gone. So now starts a process of getting back into a "normal" routine, which will totally depend on how hard I want to try to get things back under control.

It was a really good weekend. I guess technically my weekend isnt over. This whole 5 day weekend thing is really working out for me. go 3 days get off 5, go 4 get 2 more off. That's 7 at home and 7 at school, what a ratio!! But, after something like that a regular sleeping schedule will be all but impossible before yet another break in 3 days. That makes school practically unnecessary. How is one supposed to concentrate on work and activities when they can look ahead to a 3, 4, or 5 day weekend? school officials are not the smartest bees in the hive. (sorry I have been on an analogy tear for the last few weeks, it doesnt stop) i need some new material.

Apologies to the Tuesday morning guys. There were just other things going on this morning. Also, apologies to the CP people. I really wanted to go to the games tonight but i ended up having homework (go figure) and the rent's told me not to plan to be out tonight. how depressing! i was hoping to be there to support the senior boys. for those of you who dont know and would have made an unnecessary judge of character and labeled me a sexist right there, the Cair Paravel Latin School girls basketball team contains 0 seniors. Good luck at state one and all this weekend.

Does life ever take a break? Workaholics take breaks once and a while, but does life ever quit being stressful, and often times ridiculous? i envy the people who have already experience these times. Cursed (pronounced, in Shakespearean kur sed, or something of that sort) you married and on honeymoon people you! oh what a thought.

One more thing i dont want to talk about is the most revolting of figures in my life right now. And contrary to popular belief, it is not T.P., but J.R. Giddens. Granted, he did shoot fairly well last night, but he did try to ruin the game by fouling that guy when he made a bucket late in the game. oh thats right! He DID ruin the game. Langford really needs to work on them free throws. i shoot them better then he does, and he doesnt have an excuse. But props to Simien for just being a classy hard nosed athlete, a real role model. if only that would spill over to the drunk loving underage teammates of his. my gosh! you are supposed to be good, and not have to be told all the time. the fans are right, stiffen up, play better, something other then whine about how you are being treated and have huge birthday parties where people I know that are underage attend.

I thought i took care of all apologizing already but i realize that that tirade was not exactly necessary. It was fun, im not going to lie, but it was not necessary.

I am proud of: Tough decisions, people who make me smile, my family, those of you with strong relationships, athletic ability, people i care about succeeding a.k.a a brother who scores 18 points in a youth Y game. (He's 8!) And, LONG POSTS.

This was a long post, but it was well deserved. i am looking forward to the rest of this week. and i hope that things arent quite as random as last week, but a little randomness never hurt. sorry no quote for you this time, the end is kinda rushed, got that whold homework thing going on. i mean seriously! Ah, well, til next time..!

The Way the Cookie Crumbles

2005-02-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

So sometimes stuff happens in strange order. To start at the begiNNing. my day yesterday was whack! wiggidy whack. I didnt get anything accomplished. Okay so I was semi-productive, but it was not one of those days where you look back and say "wow, i am really impressed with how much i got done today!" but again, sometimes that is how it goes.

So I dont get a whole lot done during the day, but i am really looking forward to my night ahead. i finally decided what i wanted to do. I decided to save Jayne from her own self pity, and lack of people to talk to, and go to our girls game (Topeka High). unfortunately for me, i chose the wrong game to go to, but that's not the point. So the girls game was not very exciting. They played well, but could not avoid being overcome by a press that they could not figure out, and a hot shooting Seaman team. following the girl's game, i left to go over to Cair Paravel for their boys game. it was not quite as interesting as last week. im sorry to all the people who were encouraging another"airball" chant to begin. i just didnt have it in me. i would hate to go to someone elses school and get kicked out for being unruly, and set a poor example for those less fortunate private school kids!

After the boys game at CP, we had another one of those sessions where you have to figure out what is going to happen. This week it was not such an issue of where to go, but more, what to do. There were a few people going here and a few going there, and my sister had left, and being the good kid I am, i called home to see if I could go to someone's house. it was comfirmed, negatively that I could do what i wanted to do. so now, I get to go home, early, on a Friday night. that could have been enough to make me upset enough to not want to do anything, but i am a pretty understanding guy, so I invited a few people over, and obliged my parents upon my arrival at home. once there, the next few hours were spent relaxing, listening to music, playing hearts, and just socializing. A night on which, could have been spent in great emotional agony at not having ne thing to do, but positively turned into a night of good conversation and just good interaction.

I guess i really missed out on a great game for the High boys, and an interesting Royalty ceremony, but as i think about it, i would say that i got the better end of the deal, and things worked out in my positive.

Quote of the day:
"We often only attribute common sense to those who agree with us"
(i missed who said it, sorry)

Don't forget that on days like today, the cold and rainy ones, the best way to avoid the misery on the inside that is seen on the outside, stay close to the things that will in turn, be the sunshine that brightens up an otherwise gray orientation to the world.

The BEGINNING!

2005-02-17T15:58:00.000-08:00

Well, i have finally given up the fight against blogs. as violetly as i have fought.. ok, so ive been jealous of those of you who have these since the begining. but now i have a blog that i dont need to know all of that crazy computer lingo, and i am thankful for that. but there is only so much i can take when i cant comment on people's posts because i am not a "blogger". so much for producing my case as to why i am a flip-flopper on this topic. i actually was aked last nigt if i was into this whole bloggin thing, and answered an emphatic "No", and look at me today.

I was pretty happy with how things went last night. Rubbish went well, and i was glad to be able to talk about sutff i am passionate about. aka relationships and people in general. then again i am always glad to go and be around those people that build me up. thats the awesome thing about going to a church that has Christian private school kids who dont have all of the public school crap to deal with. Granted they have their own drama, but really, its nothing compared to this other stuff. Almost everyday i have to go to school with an open mind, unable to imagine some of the things that happened over the weekend, and lots of times i dont want to know. There really just isnt anything like being able to hang out with a group of people who have the same goals and aspirations as you do, and not have to worry about the activities that will go on when you guys are together. (Party For Two..? well you know what i meant)

Going to Rubbish is so crazy to think about for me. i mean the things we talk about in the groups we are in, its just crazy how God works sometimes. You are talking about personal items with people you may not usually talk to, then you tell them things you might struggle with while they do the same. but the greatest thing is being able to get opinions from people you wouldnt listen to, and they apply to you in a way that you can adopt their theology as your own, and everyone benefits! how does that work?

Here's to wondering whether itis worth it to me to go to our Royalty of Courts basketball gameon Friday, even though i didnt vote, and dont want to open myself up to such utter diappointment to have to watch T.P. play in my spot, all the while knowing how much I despise his soul. im aware that my attitude toward him is not Christ like, but i mean seriously.. its SOO hard. some of you have heard the stories and know what i am talking about.

Here's to not having to worry about college prep stuff this year! sorry to those seniors that have to do all the paperwork and stuff. roommates, dorms, classes, scholarships, acceptance, ... sorry, im sure you have enough on your minds to have to hear things from me.

Quote of the Day from Yogi Berra
"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

What a good philosphy to apply to one's life!

Well, it was just the first post, so things should get easier from here, hopefully soon i will have something good to talk about.